I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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