Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
