It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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