I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
