Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
