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After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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