I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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