btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
