New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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