I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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