Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
