We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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