What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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