We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
