Texts From Last Night

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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I can't open my eyes

  (925): View more from California

  Lol why not?

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk

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  (808) I can't open my eyes (925) Lol why not? (808) Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/5iv9
  Replies (4) Good night (1183) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.

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  (724): I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes. http://tfl.nu/hea3
  Replies (18) Good night (1086) Bad night (4196)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.

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  (414): have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion. http://tfl.nu/gjm1
  Replies (68) Good night (797) Bad night (6235)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

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  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (13399) Bad night (1731)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue

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  (617): Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue http://tfl.nu/zfyk
  Replies (8) Good night (4785) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.

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  (607): Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later. http://tfl.nu/om4f
  Replies (27) Good night (4803) Bad night (1598)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave

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  (314): i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave http://tfl.nu/l2ny
  Replies (6) Good night (2419) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night

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  (612): Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night http://tfl.nu/h77m
  Replies (3) Good night (3233) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it

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  (252): We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it http://tfl.nu/lox3
  Replies (3) Good night (1748) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.

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  (817): Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/91us
  Replies (7) Good night (876) Bad night (1964)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.

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  (443): He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us. http://tfl.nu/2gzn
  Replies (7) Good night (1144) Bad night (1071)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight

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  (616): Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight http://tfl.nu/1hmk
  Replies (3) Good night (1042) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.

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  (251): How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern. http://tfl.nu/mfwl
  Replies (17) Good night (2365) Bad night (949)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.

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  (253): Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts. http://tfl.nu/ycxv
  Replies (4) Good night (1163) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....

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  (248): I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him.... http://tfl.nu/0ivu
  Replies (0) Good night (555) Bad night (502)

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