Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.