just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.