My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities