Dude i fell asleep inside of her
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.