Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox