Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.

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(516): remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying. http://tfl.nu/1qjh

Replies (34) Good night (3730) Bad night (618)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?

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(248): I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape? http://tfl.nu/ekyk

Replies (32) Good night (646) Bad night (4609)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work

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(630): Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work http://tfl.nu/uouq

Replies (16) Good night (1012) Bad night (3932)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2

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(304): alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2 http://tfl.nu/q6v7

Replies (120) Good night (6701) Bad night (978)
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(305): View more from Florida

Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

(786): View more from Florida

How high are you right now..

(305): View more from Florida

I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

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(305): Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind. (786): How high are you right now.. (305): I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT. http://tfl.nu/q5i7

Replies (29) Good night (10493) Bad night (1233)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place

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(701): entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place http://tfl.nu/zqzf

Replies (8) Good night (6270) Bad night (1493)
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(316): View more from Kansas

So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses

(1-316): View more from Kansas

That sounds dangerous

(316): View more from Kansas

Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.

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(316): So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses (1-316): That sounds dangerous (316): Don't worry......were wearing oven mits. http://tfl.nu/woxn

Replies (9) Good night (4571) Bad night (959)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.

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(202): After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/vjgb

Replies (9) Good night (2696) Bad night (1021)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.

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(303): Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life. http://tfl.nu/utnc

Replies (7) Good night (1153) Bad night (4110)
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(718): View more from New York

He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.

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(718): He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head. http://tfl.nu/789t

Replies (12) Good night (2972) Bad night (1045)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup

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(248): Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier? (1-248): Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup http://tfl.nu/318d

Replies (0) Good night (569) Bad night (955)
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(419): View more from Ohio

I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Dreams are coming true for both of us.

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(419): I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest. (1-419): Dreams are coming true for both of us. http://tfl.nu/6zn2

Replies (1) Good night (847) Bad night (309)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.

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(570): HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES. http://tfl.nu/3qt3

Replies (7) Good night (619) Bad night (271)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".

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(920): We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started". http://tfl.nu/xqcg

Replies (0) Good night (556) Bad night (297)
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(954): View more from Florida

I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken

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(954): I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken http://tfl.nu/ui33

Replies (2) Good night (528) Bad night (165)

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