The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
