If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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