I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
