you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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