does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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