The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
