I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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