take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Farmville is her only friend.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
