I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
