they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
