Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
