mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
