My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
