im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
