My room smells like vodka and shame
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
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P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Come on in and take your pants off
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