babies were throwing up all over the place
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
be right there i have to get my cape
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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