Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
whose parrot is this?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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