i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My pussy is not your playground.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
