Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
