So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
