they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
