My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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