I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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