we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
