I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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