It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
