just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
