Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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