Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
