I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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