Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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