Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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