look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
