I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
