I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
