i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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