i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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