by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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