Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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