You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
