Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
