i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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