I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You made out with two different species that night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
