Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
then he tried to convert me to islam
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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