I must be too annoying 4 u.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
