Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
