I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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