He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
