My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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