I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
