ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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