If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
