I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
