i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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