Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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