She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
